"If you learn anything from me this semester its Fuck Madison Ave."
"I LIVE for oral presentations."
"There should be a roast of Pope Francis."
"I could be a parent, just not a good one."
"Times new roman is missionary on a bed" (referring to fonts and their sexual styles)
"I wish I was God. It would be so fun"
"I think I was once a guy in the 80's with a boom box and I died and now I'm here"
"It would be so convenient if convenience stores delivered"
"I just had sex!"
"You just had sex?!"
"I just had sex!"
"You're glowing!"
"On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight? Germany 1942"
"Whole Foods, or as my friend calls it 'Whole paycheck'"
"Exams are cumulative. You wanna know why? Because life is cumulative"
"I still fit in pajamas that match my American girl doll"
"A piece of mirror was in my foot, because she didn't vacuum!"
"What should I give up for Lent?"
"Christianity."